This full Moon is a special one, where the emotions are running high. For me, the absence of my beloved in my day to day life here on this planet is felt with a lot of different feelings. Where the emotions differ from day to day and sometimes from moment to moment. There are days where his love and presence is felt throughout the day in messages that are being brought through the veil. It might be the Heron standing along the waterside close by our home. Other times it comes through a song, or a word, or simply between my breath when I inhale and consciously exhale. In between those, his love and energy are always felt. Then there is this other part of staying behind on this plane. (more…)
The physical essence of being held in a loving hug, the kisses, the sparks in the eyes when they connect. The comfort we have been building up after all those years spent in each others company as well. Telepathic as well as able to read the smallest signs that have been developed over the years. Knowing each other well so that it isn’t necessary to speak at times, yet other times when the going went rough, it was necessary to speak out and address what was hiding behind the walls. You cannot go through life’s changes without changing as well through the different experiences we encounter. We had our ups and downs, like every other couple that are living together for such a long time. It depends on what you do with the difficulties that cross your path, which didn’t have the same outcome every time. Creating friction as well, so like every couple, we needed to work within our relationship, to keep the spark of love burning brightly.
It was through the biggest challenge we grew even closer together. For me as the witness and caretaker, for him as the one who had to dig deep within and had to deal with the most challenging deal in his lifetime. Walls crumbled down, till they all were disappearing. Enabling to reach to a higher level of Love towards each other as well, as the releasing and healing energy within the emotional body for my beloved. Breaking down to the ground was necessary for able to rebuild again. Not just on the physical, yet also on the emotional and mental plane. Watching this battle, I felt every emotion that was presented as if it was my own. Yet it wasn’t my journey to walk. I had to take a step back in order to let him work through all the dark and negative spots that were part of this journey. I could cry with him, yet what moved me the most, was the sense of sorrow I had for him to have to deal with this serious hard process and how much endurance he had to take it to the end.
Still feel the sorrow that came with it, not so much about his departure, as well the enormous sense of sorrow which was underlying this process. This is part of me as well part of him, yet for me, it is expressing itself in different ways now. Being on my own, how much we are still connected, still can bring up this sorrow and love for him. I can be sad, for no specific reason, knowing there is some kind of process going on within my beloved on the other side of the veil. It took me a while to understand what happened. It could take me by surprise, not linked to whatever I was doing at that time. Yet bringing up the memories that are part of this process and emotional connections. You cannot disconnect for the one you love and is the other half even when there is no physical presence. As much as he is present in my life, I am present within his as well.
How to deal with it was challenging because it is also connected with the way we had to say our goodbye for now on this physical plane. Missing his presence and laugh, his acknowledgement of my being and his deep love for me. So yes, in different layers, the sorrow is part of my daily routine. Not in a way it is preventing me from going through my days without the love and happiness, joy and laughter that presents itself. It is simmering beneath the depths, the hidden or shielded parts till they have been triggered again. It also made me strong as well vulnerable, resilient as well to work through the emotions that come up. Letting it break me down, through all the layers within myself. Till nothing left and all I could feel was the presence of Love. Knowing and feeling how this soul to soul and heart to heart connections was completed again. No boundaries, just complementary and fulfilling.
When sorrow is part of your daily routine, it asks for attention. It needs to be addressed and acknowledged. It also wants to be explored and experienced in all its different layers. Learning when it is personal, or when it is not about me, yet about the sorrow the other holds within. Part of being an empath, makes it easy to interact with this signature of energy with others, specially when it is so close at home like it is with my beloved. Sorrow can come from feeling lost, or lack of love, which actually is created through fear. It takes an eagle view to fly above the emotional rupture to identify it for what it holds. Is it about you, or is it the journey the other one is walking. Not necessarily your journey to go through, because it doesn’t relate to your own inner world and reflections. Feeling the emotional wounds and hold them in a safe space, to create a sacred space for anyone who needs it is crucial for healing. Restoring the balance needs a space to feel safe and loved. My own feelings are colored as well through the journey of my beloved. My tears flow here as well for him as much as they are for my own inner clearing.
And so it will be done.