Interesting topic, pillow talk, it brings in so many memories come flooding in. In the 43 years together we had our most laughs, our sorrows, our pain, our fears shared together in bed. Either before falling to sleep, or waking up in the morning, the wee hours when you feel it’s still dark outside and the sunlight is still waiting to come forth. These moments we shared are so significant for our relationship. Build on love, trust and faith enabled us to share our most intimidate as well secret hidden emotions, stories never been told. Pillow talk is something that for us was build around that one key element, love and interest for each other. Wanting to get to learn each other in every corner of the mind, the heart and soul.
Everything that needed to be revealed came up in these warm loving moments, listening to the words, looking in the eyes of the beloved. Sensing and feeling how the external walls were dropping down. To get into the most intimate space within. It made it possible to be as small or as tall you could be. Just because of the safe space we could hold for each other. Reviewing the day, the events that took place, the difficulties as well the discrepancies. Work related or family related, it didn’t matter what came up. We always could rely on our pillow talks. Promises made not to go to bed in anger or anxiety, nor get out of bed in a bad mood.
Promises made over the years, what do to with upcoming challenges. Our worries about the kids growing up, our different takes on it as well. How I love our pillow talks, the warm and safe surrounding we could offer each other. At times, just lying on our own pillow so to speak, side by side, other times resting in each other’s arms. How I loved to rest in your arms, head on your shoulder, feeling the rising by your breath and the deep rumble in my ears when you talked. The breath that connected us even more.
Silent talks were exchanged as well and probably these were the best. Resting comfortably in each other’s energy, heart to heart connected, feeling the breath as well the heartbeats and bringing them in sync. Creating one circle of love, breath and life on one pillow, which spoke volumes. Gratitude as well for the deep inner connection we could achieve. Not always as smooth as we would like them to be. Yet always finding our way together, through our pillow talks as well. Because that was our sanctuary, the silence as well the safety and trust. Knowing whatever would be said, it would be acknowledged and accepted.
The moments we could sense a wall between us, were the most difficult in this space in bed. The intimacy we held was also been put to the test. In ways we couldn’t expect and never would have anticipated. The storms that run through our life was always as turbulent at times during our pillow talks as well, the tears wetting the pillows. The way life was being experienced held several difficult moments for us to deal with. It was a roller coaster as well, the events that took place to be dealt with. Yet one thing we never lost was our love and faith in each other, to be able to deal with what ever difficulty and challenge we would have to face. The way we would find our way back or come up with solutions always came from the way we communicated.
Intimacy is something that doesn’t come easy at times. When former experiences are been triggered and bring up walls which were not there before, for one. This was a hurdle that needed to be taken in order to keep communicating. Yet within my love I knew he was the only one who could lay me bare without undressing me. He made me feel loved beyond fears and tears. Coming from different places and spaces, the way to find our middle ground was always based on love. It was the cement or the glue that kept It all together in times of need. For me he was the only one I could reveal so much without feeling misunderstood, or rejected by the way my path took me.
How I miss our pillow talks at times, even though I can always talk to you the same way we did. I feel and sense this loving energy surrounding me and I know you know me. Every cell holds the memories of you alive in my being. Bringing in through beautiful memories, our children and grandchildren, family moments to cherish and pictures to show them. Love is energy and your loving energy is huge and expanding even more. It is coming down to the breath, the space I know you are in my heart, in the moment between the inhale and exhale. In the safe space of our bedroom I still feel cherished and loved. The most precious moments we had and held, were in that bedroom. During our pillow talks, reminiscing and remembering, honoring and loving each other.
Quote by Zayn expresses it perfectly for me: “in the place that feels the tears, the place to lose your fears, Yeah, reckless behavior (Pillow talk)
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