The theme of today is about the realization that I am finding my own rhythm in a whole new way. Ever since my birth I am as we all are following the rhythm of our parents, school, jobs as well the rhythms of the season. This may be a lot different for a lot of people, depending on where you are growing up. Either in a small country village, or a big city. Or depending on your location on our planet, north or south, east or west. A lot of our rhythm is been influenced of our current position. Yet that’s not the internal rhythm of our own unique personal being. I have been following the pace of all the different influences in my life. Meeting my love and getting married early, we were tuned into each other.
Both having a job, different hobbies and sports activities as well were mostly the guidelines for our time schedules as well. One being a early morning bird, the other one a late night player. So we had to find some kind of middle in our daily life. When we were blessed with kids, becoming parents had another major influence of our day to day rhythm. Through my trainings working with energy I learned the importance of tuning in to my own internal rhythm as well. Much needed being an empath, because it could be pretty demanding being around a lot of people at work. The jobs I had were teachers as well, to do the things in my own way, in my own pace so to speak. Because as long as I was in tune with it, I would be able to create and be productive to the best of my abilities.
Raising kids do that as well, being the guru to teach you your own insecurities as well qualities. They challenge you in so many ways, the importance to stay in the moment. Even physically challenged because of the need of sleep, the balance between being busy and having a relaxed time just for me. It was a journey so far with ups and downs. Whenever I lost the connection with my own rhythm, I would feel fatigue, or get ill to the point I really hit rock bottom when I was in my early 40iies. My body crashed and it was a way of showing me as well the importance of my own ability and pace. I was always eager to do the best, be the best I could be in any kind of situation. Yet it came to a point I really ignored all the stop signs, till my body said stop.
It was a deep process of acknowledging the way I function to be beneficial for myself. Even if it meant I had to say no to invites. Or take time to rest during the daytime, just because my body needed the sleep. It was confronting as well confirming at the same time, the paradigm of learning what is good for you against your own better knowing. It brought me down to the basics, taking baby steps in order to be able to deal with a day to day routine. Needless to say, the most challenging thing was not to be able to be the parent and the partner I was aiming for. My own healing process demanded to be fully focused on my inner compass, trusting the body to know what to do and how
My rhythm at that time was on a low, as low as it could possibly be. It took years for me to regain physical strength as well the healing of my emotional battles. The vulnerability that came with it, the acceptance there was a limit to my possibility to function. It also taught me to trust my body and its signals, the way it was there for me as well to show my traps, and be the best teacher I could ever wish for. During these years our pattern as partners and being a parent changed, as did it has its effect on our relationships and friendships around me. After all these training sessions I had with my physical partner as well my emotional one, it finally resulted in a more balanced way of dealing with the energy of my being.
In every way it taught me how important it is to listen to the signals of our body, our emotions, our gut feelings especially. What also mattered is the way I always had to adjust to the needs of my loved ones around me. As they had to adjust to me as well, it changed a lot in our interactions. So here I am now, years later and for the first time on my own. No need to adjust to others around me except of course my family, my kids and grandkids. Yet, in my day to day life, after my love made his transition almost 2 years ago, I realized today how long it took me to adjust again. Only this time, to my inner rhythm, which took me by surprise actually how it gradually over the past 2 years grew on me.
Of course there are moments I have to adjust to the world around me. When I have appointments to make, babysitting our granddaughter for example. Yet today it became crystal clear, I do the things in my own pace and following my own rhythm. Doing what makes me feel happy and enjoying not doing anything. Just because I can. What keeps me moving is the internal pushes to reflect, to take a nap, to find some relaxation during meditations, tuning in with the messages without my headset on because its not needed. It is also a kind of mindfulness to go with the flow of whatever comes up and act on it. How I want to live my life in the moment, is not being selfish, it is about taking care of me.
To learn to follow my own internal rhythm, it all came down to self-love, as well listening to the messages I receive through my physical, emotional, mental as well etheric bodies. It is always connected with the way it makes me feel. So to be in tune with my inner drum, I only have to follow my own rhythm. It has to do with my own boundaries. To know when something works for me, benefits me and keeps me healthy, grounded as well happy with my self. It’s a blessing to me over these past few years to see how I gradually realized my own pace and feel connected with it in so many ways. We all have our own ways to learn, through our own internal compass. Today I realized the lessons have payed of. In a loving connection to myself.
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