And do not worry that your life is
turning upside down.
How do you know that the side
you are used to is better than the one to come?
I was reading these words and read the reply of someone else who had posted this. The great Unknown… I try to befriend this more and more. Sometimes it is very scary she replied to me. I answered it is still work in the process after my love made his transition this year, yet I also know, there is this deep inner knowing of our Love, which carries me through the day, into the loving arms at night, guarded and protected on a whole new level. For my life felt and still feels upside down at times after his departure and leaving me alone for the very first time in my life.
I cherish the memories of all the time we have shared, the good, the bad, the ugly at times. Because this is what has shaped me to be who I am today through our Love for each other as well our children and grandchildren. Our family and friends along the way who have been supporting us during these last difficult months. It has been a long and intense challenging period for all of us and we have learned so much. How deep our Love is to overcome all these obstacles along the way in order to move forward. Did I worry about the way it would turn my life upside down. Yes it did, for me this was not just about me being on my own, it was the challenge how I was going to handle my Life in my own way.
Does it scare and frighten me at times, yes it does as well the need of having someone around. Just to feel the love in the arms of my love, the cuddles, the kisses and playfulness together. Is it about the Unknown, yes and no actually for every day we create opportunities that change our life. Not always major changes like the loss of someone who is so dear to me. It is about making decisions every day to get out of bed and get in some kind of routine to keep yourself moving. It is about doing what pleases me to do, like walking my dog every day. The feel I get opening the curtains of my bedroom window and watch the Sun rising or the mystical view over the fields. Being open to the little signs I receive every moment in the day. Like the feathers on the ground, which are always found by my dog for some reason the moment I see them. He collects them for me.
Every moment I am in doubt of my own resilience, my strength and I struggle with the insecurities, there is this quiet wave of loving energy. In enfolds within me the faith of my love as well the knowing I can do this. I am here with a reason and a purpose. I have walked my path together with my love in my own way. My teachings have been of great support and assistance then and now. All I have gathered over the years, every experience has shown me my persistence and strength to believe in what I can and who I am. This life force is the constant factor that keeps me going. Even when I am in doubt or fear what will come next, I only have to take a deep breath and I know. I know with all my Heart that Love is my strength and in Love, I can do anything that comes my way.
As much I was in need of control when I was younger, I can rely on my inner compass and let it unfold even when I don’t have a clue which way it will work out. Just day by day to stay in a flow of surrendering to this Love is my way of letting go and releasing any kind of control of mind or emotions. They are the tools that lead me to my next step into my next phase in my Life. For what I have learned the most is, I have to live my own Life in my own way. No matter what they say, or how people will react to what is true to me. I am not over you, is what I am hearing right now, and this is true as well. If you ask me how I am doing, I would say I am doing just fine. I have to face the truth,
No matter what I say, I am not over the loss, I am still working through this grievance period in my life. Yet I can let go, which way it will lead me to my next step. You are on my mind every day and I can feel your love and guidance as well. Is my life with you better than without your physical presence? Or is it not so much about better or worse, as well as how I can maintain my inner trust and faith to balance out every day what comes my way. To maintain and keep on learning how to walk the spiral of Life in loving connection with my love. To expand this love from within to every encounter, with everyone I meet. I can only tell if this new way of living is about fulfilment, the moment I feel alive and in loving connection with myself as if I can see myself through your eyes.
The best way I can be is to be part of this dance in my Life, where my partner took another turn and we are now living in 2 dimensions until there is only one. I want to make this count. I want to make him proud of my steps, my growth, my deepening of our Love. But most of all, I want to be proud of myself, for taking every step even though it scares me. The next step can be small or can be major, it doesn’t matter. I am responsible for the way I create my Life to the fullest. Like Living Big and Smiling Big is the best result of creating from the Heart where Love is Key and Master of every experience. This I know. From a deep core within, so it is and will always be my Compass. It will always lead me to circumstances and experiences to bring up the best of me and all I can be. In loving and capable hands.
And so it will be done.I would like to receive weekly articles in my inbox